Today, my wife and I have completed 6 years of marriage. I’ve known her for 7 years out of which I’ve been married for 6 years. I still remember the first time I met and the conversation we had and the decisions that followed and later, the wedding, and the two boys who made our family more fun and the house, a mess. 😀

Though 6 years have passed, memories are still fresh in my mind. On this day, I wanted to write something reflecting on the past 6 years of marriage, God’s faithfulness, and how we’ve made it this far.

Here are my Six reflections.

1. God is the glue that keeps us together.

I remember a prayer that my teacher & mentor, Pastor Edward Francis made during my wedding ceremony. He said, “Glue them together, God”. I remember and think about those words to this very day.

I think about those words because as a couple, we have faced very challenging times, we have walked through difficult seasons of life. There are times when both of us were extremely frustrated with each other. But no matter how difficult it gets, we cannot stay away from each other. Both of us get tired of fighting and we give up our egos, and anger and start talking again.

Now, this attitude is something, I believe God infuses into a marriage where he makes each one feel that it’s impossible to live without the other. So, no matter how much we argue or fight we cannot be without talking to each other.

Growing up I’ve been very independent but after marriage, I’ve become the exact opposite. I’m so dependent on my wife that if she isn’t around I feel lost. So, the very attitude of dependency on each other is God’s way of keeping us glued to each other.

Some couples fight this dependency thinking that they should always be independent of their spouse. The truth is God designed marriage to be a place where you become dependent that you can’t live without the other.

2. Be transparent.

I remember one of the first things I did after marriage was to add my wife’s fingerprint to my phone so that she can access it anytime. My wife and I have kept our life open in a way where we could access each other’s phones, and computers and ask questions to check on our whereabouts without getting frustrated. My wife has this habit of going through my WhatsApp conversations at the end of the day. Recently, we made this decision to turn on tracking on our phones so that both of us know where we are at all times.

To some this may seem like an invasion of privacy, and probably a lack of trust. Truth is there is no privacy in marriage and trust is not something that is handed to you because you married them but trust is given to you because you earned it. Married couples need to do something, or live in a way where they can earn their spouse’s trust.

But there are some things that I cannot disclose to my wife. Recently, I told my wife that I was upset because a person said something rude. She wanted to know what they said but I told her I am not going to share what they said. She kept asking me a couple of times but I was clear that I am not willing to disclose. She didn’t ask any further questions.

She stopped asking because she trusts me enough to know that if I am not willing to disclose then it’s for her good or maybe information is not necessary.

If you are married be so transparent that even when there is something you are not willing to disclose they will trust and believe that it is for the good.

3. Think before you speak

My wife and I are polar opposites. I am an introvert, and she is an extrovert. My priority for the church is to teach more about scriptures but her priorities are to have more fellowships. We are different in our thinking and actions but there’s something that is common in both of us.. i.e. “We always think before we speak.”

Last night, my wife confessed that there are words she says in her mind but doesn’t say it out loud and later she feels bad about it. There are times when certain words come through my mind but I don’t say it. This is a normal experience for anyone when they are angry because anger makes you think of the worst thing you can stay to destroy that person.

But if we think before speaking, we keep marriage in a very healthy place. We are protecting our spouse from unnecessary words or conversations that can destroy marriage.

4. Feelings fade away but love remains constant.

Love is not about feelings, love is not about the excitement you feel but a lifelong commitment where each one is committed till death parts them.

I still remember the feelings I had when I met her for the first time. I can go back in time and share each and every detail of how we met and what I felt in those moments. There were a lot of, “Electrifying moments”. Even when I held my wife’s hand and said the vows it was such a fantastic feeling. Something about it that was so different. But if you ask me, Do I feel it every day? The answer is No.

Does that mean my love has changed? Absolutely not. In fact, it has grown more than ever.

If I prioritized my feeling I wouldn’t be enjoying my marriage because feelings are not constant they keep changing based on the circumstance. If I prioritized my feelings my marriage won’t last. But if I prioritized loving my wife no matter what, then such a marriage thrives and prospers.

If you know me personally, you may know that I am not the celebrations-type of person. This means I don’t keep track of people’s birthdays or anniversaries. I tend to forget birthdays. Usually, I am the last one to wish people. But there are two occasions that are super-important to me that is, Valentine’s Day & Wedding Anniversary. I make sure I do something special and even celebrate for a few days. Why? Why do that? I believe it is important to celebrate the commitment to loving my wife for the rest of my life. We must celebrate the fact that God has given us a partner to share life with and we must never take that for granted.

5. Understand your spouse’s tolerance levels

I run a church organization and a media business. My wife works in a Hospital and has her own private clinic. Both of us, individually run an organization and a business. With running a business comes a lot of risk, and a high chance for failure. One of the things that I have understood is that my wife has much less tolerance for failure than I have. I can face failures, and difficult circumstances and still go on with my day but my wife cannot do the same.

So whenever it gets’ difficult for her to manage anything or if she gets overwhelmed I step in immediately because I know that is beyond her tolerance level.

Typically, for couples like us, it’s often easy to be so caught up in our work that we don’t have time to help each other. Because taking time to help means setting aside work that is important to me. But that’s wrong. The Husband must realize his wife cannot handle all things and should step in whenever she needs help.

When they fail to help then that gives birth to bitterness in marriage. This is when you hear those statements, “You were not there when I needed you the most.”

Understand each other’s pain tolerance levels and help out in times of need.

6. Be a Man

One of the key ingredients, that makes a marriage last longer and makes it a happy place is this, “Be a man”

In a world of changing genders, and confused talks about human sexuality. We need to be reminded constantly, that we need to be who God has created us to be. If God has created us to be man, we need to be a man. If God has created you to be a woman then be a woman. But men who forfeit their nature of being a man just because of feminism or any false ideology are setting a time bomb that will destroy their marriage.

The truth is Women like men who behave like a man. Children like their fathers to be strong male figure that is bold, decisive, and even aggressive with intruders or naysayers because they know they are safe in their father’s hands.

I have observed this, my two boys run to their mother (my wife) when they are sick but run to me when they are afraid and need protection.

Being a man means being a protector, a guard that doesn’t let anything step inside without their notice, and also willing to work 2x times more to feed and take care of the family. Being a man is one of the most attractive qualities a man can possess. I encourage all men, to never trade that for any silly ideologies. (like feminism)

That’s it.

These are my six reflections on completing 6 years of marriage. Probably, I’ll have more to say in the coming year. When I do, I’ll share that with you.

Thank you for reading. God bless.